Servicing Shock

The Lotus, in spite of spending most of the last twelve months laid up in one workshop or another, has not seen a true specialist in a while. For this reason, I decided to take it to a Lotus specialist nearby (known to the Club) for its long-overdue "full service".

I am still shaking from the bill. Over £1,000!

Don't get me wrong, broadly speaking the Lotus is reasonable economical. Until now the car has caused me little trouble, but three years without a proper service have taken their toll.

Couple that to the fact the rotoflex joints on the rear axle (similar to the one pictured, courtesy of BoatUS.com) need changing this time, which is no small task, and must happen at least every 15 years or so, regardless of mileage (the rubber simply ages). The final bill is eye-watering.

There's a lesson here. Avoid the annual service at your peril! Ignoring the working classic car until it breaks is a false economy, as I keep attempting to explain to my long-suffering girlfriend. She, like many people, only sees the bills - £100 here, £200 there. But in the grand scheme of things, these small "hits" to keep things ship-shape pale into insignificance compared with the cost of ignoring a car for 3 years and having to fix everything at once, and some!

Of course, when I get the Lotus back I sincerely hope that will be it for a year, and it should be. That's the point of a good service by a specialist engineer. There's always the potential for finding a gremlin in an old car which has been lurking for a few months, waiting to be spotted by the sharp-eyed mechanic.

But it's important to bear in mind even the big gremlins (like my £500 rotoflex replacements) on a classic car are cheaper than some of the monstrous creatures to be found lurking in a 5-year-old modern car. Something like a new catalytic converter (courtesy of a malfunctioning engine management computer) means a truly horrific bill for even the cheapest 2002 Fiat Punto (it would effectively write off my Rover) and these things do happen.

So I philosophically accept the pain of running a classic car, and remind myself the guy driving around in a second-hand BMW M3 is shaping up for a much larger bill before too long.

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Company Car Drivers: Show Some Respect

We have the Fiat back! Actually, we've had it back for a couple of weeks now, but I've been too busy to write anything.

The car is (nearly) as it was. We've used it a few times for shopping trips and mechanically it's perfect, however, I must report the after-market body pressings currently being produced for the Fiat 500 in central and eastern Europe are not of the same quality as the original Fiat pressings. Perhaps I was naive for ever hoping they would be?

Not only is the new engine cover missing the charming, albeit unnecessary, Italian stickers warning you not to do silly things like rest your hand on the exhaust manifold, it also doesn't quite fit properly. It's immediately obvious when you know how it used to be. Bob (bless him) has done his best with the pressing he could get, but you can just tell it isn't right.

The handle no longer closes neatly behind the latch (indeed, he had to cut an inch or two out of the existing rubber seal), the lid seems a fraction too wide and tall for the hole it is supposed to cover and while it used to fit like a glove, now it just about closes tightly with a bit of jiggling and jostling.

What a shame! And all because some silly idiot wasn't paying attention.

The person responsible for this mess doesn't realise, and would never appreciate or probably even accept, is that while this was only a £500 repair, it knocked a small fortune off of the "saleability" of the car.

Little details like this make a big difference to charm of the vehicle and a little bit of the car's soul was lost the day that stupid fool mangled the original Italian engine lid beyond repair. It's not like replacing the plastic bumper on a 2004 Ford Focus.

Call me melodramatic, or even overly sentimental, but I'm serious. This sort of detail makes the difference between a truly sound, original car and a "restored" car. The former will always be more desriable to the purist and a little bit of that desirability was lost that day.


But you know what winds me up the most? The fact it was a company car.

Doubtless the offender in this case got a replacement car immediately, was totally unaffected by her careless antics and is free to do the same to someone else tomorrow, totally without penalty.

We had endless hassle and stress dealing with solicitors, doctors, insurance companies, valuers, garages (we had to fight just to get it fixed by a specialist), recovery companies and more besides ... and we had to pay a £50 excess for the work!

While she signed a piece of paper admitting liability and handed it in to HR.

Where's the justice in that? Where's the punishment? Where's the tiniest little piece of incentive for her to not drive around like Britain's Worst Driver in the future? Her premiums won't even go up, not that she'd care if they did, because the company is paying.

There seems to be something about not owning your car which makes a person treat it with total disregard. This doesn't bother or concern me, to an extent. I mean if you want your car to be a mobile skip, filled to the brim with burger wrappers and discarded coffee cups, what do I care? If you're not bothered about that four foot scratch down the side, where you used the supermarket railings as a parking guide, who am I to comment? However, if your attitude extends to privately owned cars belonging to other people, then I, nay we, have every right to be angry.

I hope the lady concerned felt at least a small pang of guilt when she saw my girlfriend choking back the tears as she observed the mess that was the rear of our Fiat 500. The Fiat 500 her brother sourced for her from a proud, elderly collector in Milano. The Fiat 500 we drove from Italy in a 5 day adventure. The Fiat 500 which has been a part of people's lives, and a part of her native Italy, for nearly 40 years. The Fiat 500 which is so much more to someone than "just a car".

Sadly, I fear she felt nothing more than a slight pang of iritation that now she was going to be late for lunch at her mother-in-law's.


So what you gonna do?
Simple: if it were up to me, people with company cars would be obliged to organise their own insurance.

Sure, the company can provide you with a car. They can do the routine maintenance and pay the road tax. But every individual should organise their insurance personally, so they get the hassle and the paperwork when they run into someone. Then, just maybe, a few of them would be a little less blasé about other road users and a little less prone to using their 4-door family saloon as a mobile battering ram.

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Taxing Problems

Well, what a stir good old Mr Blair has caused with all this "price by the mile" nonsense. It doesn't really affect me as a "classic motorist", as my mileage is comparitively miniscule anyway.

However, quite apart from the various good arguments against such a scheme (and also glossing over the rather lame response, supposedly from the PM, which was appropriately and immediately marked as Junk by Hotmail) what really irritates me is a number of the green lobby who seem to think cars are the preserve of the rich and famous! "Cars are a luxury item," they cry. Apparently, poor people shouldn't have cars anyway, so raising the tax is no big deal.

Ugh?? That kind of dim-witted drivel can only have been written by some odd-ball daughter of Geldoff who already has more dollars than brain cells, but is still busily trying to deny it by hiding out in the Indonesian jungle, saving monkeys or some such!

I'm not sure what planet they live on, but here on Earth, particularly in the UK, cars are anything but luxury items. In fact they are the work horses of a nation, depended upon by young and old, rich and poor, for better or for worse. By way of an example, I just calculated (while forming this rather hurried rant) that buying a car saved me at least £100 this year. Furthermore it will save me a lot more than that next year, simply because I won't have to use the extortionately priced public transport system!

To quote myself (I quite like doing that):

In the UK people with a low income drive a car, because successive UK governments have put an end to [cheap, reliable public transport] by privatising and fragmenting our railways and other public transport mechanisms beyond recognition, allowing jokers like First Great Western to run up massive profits operating an awful service, by privatising what should never have been taken out of public hands - and for what? A few quid of some city banker's tax bill so they vote for you again in 2 years time!

Clearly, the British public transport system is no alternative to car travel, for rich or poor. Pricing people off the roads achieves nothing but confining low income folk to their locale. Don't feel sorry for me, because I can afford the train - I just don't, because it's a horrific waste of time and money!

So for those who say cars are a luxury item, pull your heads out of your behinds and look at the real issue here. The CAR is the ONLY viable means of transport in this country where the public transport system has been repeatedly raped by greedy and vote-hungry men. Until the government sorts that out, they should forget about driving people off the roads.

Blah! I'm going to the pub.

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Spring Forward

Well, I got the Lotus back on the road all by myself! I had a look at the throttle problem a couple of weeks ago, and on closer inspection I noticed three things:

1. What I thought was the throttle cable was actually the choke cable (how embarassing!)

2. The throttle cable is, in fact, nearly new.

3. The return spring is, in fact, very, very old!

You see the little hooks on the ends of the blue spring on the right in the photo? (Photo courtesy of Pated Springs, by the way.) Those hooks hold the torsion spring in place. On my Lotus, one goes through a hole in a piece of sheet metal, which appears to be something to do with holding the carburettors in place, and the other goes through the end of the throttle cable.

After a thorough forensic examination, I deduced that a combination of the metal being very old and my over-exuberant application of the throttle resulted in the hook at the throttle cable end sheering half off, thus causing the spring to dangle helplessly beneath the carburettors! That's why the throttle stuck open with alarming effect, half way around the M25.

On the plus side, enough of the spring was left to effect a decent repair with some garden wire, so not only is it now driveable again, I'm also in less of a hurry to take it for its service (though I really should sort that out soon anyway).

The Fiat lies with Bob right now. He's had it for a week now, so knowing Bob, he's nearly done!


One other piece of news. I'm not sure if I'm proud of this or not, but Honest John featured me (about two thirds of the way down, headline "...to hold you?") in his column in the Daily Telegraph. As an example of what happens if you don't give mechanics a deadline. Oops!

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Happy New Year!

Sorry this message is somewhat belated. I've changed jobs and been crazy busy! I still am, actually, but decided I really must post something in my blog. Especially since I now work in "Web 2.0 marketing", a decent junk of which is blog management! Very poor form to leave my own covered in dust and cobwebs.

Anyway, things are looking brighter at this end of the Christmas period. I have the Lotus back finally! It was running well, until I rather over-exuberantly applied the accelerator pedal and the throttle stuck open on the M25. It never rains...

So, next month it's going to Barry Ely for service, fluid change and fixing the now-sticking throttle. It's a fairly simple job so shouldn't cost too much. I'll have a quick go myself at the weekend, just to get things driveable.

Also the Fiat is getting valued on Thursday, so hopefully that will be back on the road by February too! Bob has quoted for the work and we know he'll do a good job.

Anyway, time still presses hard upon me, so I'd better keep it short.

If you get a chance, take a look at my latest project: Infield Parking. It's a NASCAR community based in the US. We're all very excited about it. It's going great guns!

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A Long December

As The Counting Crows once sang, a long December indeed it is proving to be. Still no Lotus, the Fiat is off the road too, so no classic motoring at all in the run-up to Christmas. All is sad, and the weather's been so nice too, adding insult to our collective injury! At least we got to ride our new bicycles more than we otherwise would've done.

So, lacking any news on the personal front, I shall instead reminisce about earlier events, namely my father and I visiting the Classic Car Show in the Birmingham NEC towards the tail end of October. We spent an entire day digging through the auto-jumble, admiring and observing all sorts of marques and models, chatting to various clubs staff and members and generally having a good old time.

I should note I would normally provide my own photo, but as per usual, I forgot my camera. Instead I have provided a photo I found through Google Images, which turned up a fantastic classic car photo collection on Flickr kept by a certain "tonylanciabeta". Click here for his full NEC collection on Flickr. At least next year I'll have a camera with me, since I have just received a rather nice Sony camera phone from O2, which is jolly decent of them! No longer shall that age-old excuse be employed.

As you can see from Tony's catalogue of photos, they really did have everything there. My father got rather excited about the various 3.0 litre Ford Capris on display (he used to have several - not all at once, mind you) and I spotted the distinctive (on account of it's paint job) Messerschmitt bubble car which used to be lying outside a store in Camden's Stable Market, but was now being lovingly restored by an enthusiastic bubble lover.

The whole event was extremely well organised and it was wonderful to see all the various clubs out in force. Top marks go to the Morris Minor Owners Club, who had the most impressive club stand by far, and some lovely examples on display.

On a side point, I was disappointed to see neither of the Lotus clubs had a Plus 2 on display. Shame. I know I'm biased, but I happen to think it's one of the prettier models. Maybe next year, eh...?

Oh, and one other thing. Does anyone actually buy cars at these events? The dealers were out in force too, and while one or two seemed to have reasonably priced cars on their stands, many were clearly having a great big belly-laugh at the expense of anyone stupid enough to whip out a cheque book. They must have more money than sense!

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With Heavy Heart

It is a sad November post. Tissues at the ready.

The Lotus is still not back from the mechanic. I don't know what the hell is going on, but he's clearly having serious bother with the electrics. I'm really not sure what to do now. I can't fetch it while it isn't running without incurring further expense, but I'm starting to lose faith in this man's ability to fix it... Ho hum.

And the Rover has a stuck electric window. More hassle.

But far, far worse is the predicament of the Fiat. Sadly, the baby of the family was rather cruelly bashed in the bum by a Vauxhall Vectra, driven by someone to whom the concept of looking in the general direction of travel is clearly alien.

It all happened yesterday afternoon as we were exiting Hatfield House after visiting a Christmas Fayre. We were stood waiting to turn left on to the A414 when **BAM** ... what the ...? The silly idiot behind had just driven straight in to the back of us, and without any mitigating circumstances whatsoever! Just plain carelessness! I was so angry, but to my credit I refrained from attempting to strangle the individual, who clearly should've been sporting a white stick - I can't think of any other reason she would've collided with a stationary vehicle in such a manner.

The Fiat still ran well enough to get us home, but some coachwork is clearly required and I have a horrible suspicion the engine may have moved a little, judging by the nasty groaning noises and the way 1st and 3rd gears are now tighter than they were.

Suffice it to say, we're absolutely gutted! Apart from anything else, we now have the serious hassle of getting the repairs done. And to cap it all off, we both have whiplash. With such a light car, no headrests, low seat backs and seatbelts which don't retain you, whiplash is inevitable, even with very minor impacts.

So ends a miserable month of motoring. We're off to nurse our sore necks and curse our poor fortune. Roll on 2007!

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Bon Voyage, Et Bon Chance!

An old school friend of mine, already infamous for his hare-brained schemes, is at it again. Tim Rennie (AKA Binner Benny Boy) and his encourageable wife, Kully, are attempting to travel from Peckham to Pakistan in a Morris Minor. I have already noted they should be using a Fiat 500 to ensure their safe and timely arrival, but they ignored my sound advice.

Their website includes a diary charting their progress (slow and painful, of course) and other information about the trip. They are asking for sponsorship and all proceeds go to the Nottinghamshire Leukaemia Appeal, a truly worthy cause. I'm going to sponsor them, whether they make it or not.

Unfortunately it seems they have already encountered mechanical issues on the edge of Greece and are considering calling it all off, which is a real shame. I've drawn the attention of the Morris Minor Owners Club to their plight, and I hope someone can assist them before it is too late.

See? I said they should've taken a Fiat...

Good luck, guys! Don't give in!

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Good Time Had By All

The Taste Italia event, organised for and by Little Haven Children's Hospice (and not forgetting the Taste Italia team, whose generosity allowed it to happen) was a really lovely day out. Believe it or not, the British government supports hospices for adults but does not support hospices for chidren. I know nothing of the detail behind this seemingly ludicrous piece of policy, but it certainly appears to be grossly unfair and leaves organisations like Little Haven on their own to raise £1.5million a year just to stay afloat and care for the terminally ill children in their charge, so it really was for a worthy cause. The club will be making a donation and so will I.

Anyway, that's the serious stuff out of the way! It was great to see all the Fiat 500s lined up on the lawn and the weather was spectacularly good for the time of year. And someone brought a beautiful old Alfa along as well, which we were proud to have in our midst (see photo).

The food, wine and the setting were all as perfect as the weather and it was lovely to meet more people from the club too.

And I discovered the proprietor of Taste Italia's son has a newly imported 1971 Citroen DS which has the number plate directly after the one on the Fiat, with just a one number difference. Turns out Chelmsford DVLA hand out old plates in order and his Citroen was registered shortly after our Fiat and was next in line for 1971 plate allocation. What were the chances of meeting like that??

Sadly, the Lotus is still laid up at the mechanic's in Ongar. It seems the electrical problem causing the inability to start is proving a swine to track down! I hope to get it back soon though.

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Taking Advantage

Wow, a whole month without posting. Terribly sorry about that, folks. I've been extremely busy and I won't bore you with the details.

Anyway, the main news is I've decided it's time these fuel-guzzling freeloaders of mine started paying their way! That's right, the cars are going to have to earn a living like everybody else (with the notable exception of the cat) - I'm putting them to work.

The Top Gear "sexiest car" article set things in motion once more. About a year ago I spoke to a company called the Classic Car Agency, who keep a register of classic cars available for hire to film and advertising companies (for a surprisingly modest one-off fee) about getting listed. The way it works is you sign up, they act as your agent and get your car booked for movies, photoshoots, TV programs, etc. They then take a commission from your fee, if everything goes according to plan. Fair enough, eh?

Of course, being me and being busy, I never got around to it with the Lotus, but after all the fuss about the Fiat 500, and with the 50th anniversary next year, I revisited them and noticed they didn't have one on their books. Figuring this might be a good opportunity, I filled in the forms and registered both the Fiat and the Lotus.

Sadly, I have no bookings as yet, but hopefully I'll get a few a year which will at least pay for the maintenance. It would be a great help! We'll see I suppose.

On a not entirely unrelated note, the organisers of an "Italian Summer" event for Little Haven Children's Hospice have contacted the Fiat 500 Club and requested the presence of ten Fiat 500s to spice up their garden party. Being reasonably local, we are happy to oblige, since they're offering free entry and it's all for a good cause. I hope the weather holds!

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